Monday, June 10, 2013

#13 – or, hi, my name is Ashley and I’m an indian giver.

Abraham is a man to whom I simply cannot relate.  Try as I may, I have a hard time finding any similarities with the man who laid the son God promised him on an altar, for the sole purpose of being obedient to God. 

But, Abraham, the man who tried to help God along to bring His will to fruition – yeah, I can totally relate to that.  All too often, I find myself trying to help God out – even when the only way I can think to accomplish something is contrary to what I know the Bible says.  (I think y’all know me well enough by now to know that I have no problem being brutally honest here…)  So yeah, sometimes I try to help God out in a way that I know is displeasing to Him.  There, I said it.  In fact, I suppose any time I try to step in and ‘handle it’ for God is contrary to Him – and it must be akin to telling Him that my plans are surely better.  And it doesn’t always happen in the most obvious of ways – but some of my biggest missteps can be traced back to simply forgetting (or ignoring) that my God is Jehovah Jireh.  He is the provider of EVERYTHING I need, the provider of EVERYTHING I could want, the provider of EVERYTHING He wants for my life…and yet, I find myself either questioning the goodness He has promised me or the vision I believe He has revealed to me of what He wants for my life.  Or, worse yet, I find myself not fully handing my life over to Him as He has commanded – for no other purpose than He desires our full obedience all the time.  Instead, I pick and choose the parts I want to hand over.  I pray and “give” my problems to God to handle and as I stand up – get this – I pick my worries, my struggles, my issues, my life, my hopes and fears – and I walk on, trying my best to carry them with me.  I pray to God to be the provider for my life – to supply all the things He wants for me, to fulfill every good and wonderful thing He has promised and to carry my burden when the weight is just too much…but I struggle to fully submit my life to Him and have faith in what He says He will do.  (As if past experience has taught me nothing).  And I pick my own ‘stuff’ back up and keep trudging on.

Why do I do this?  What is wrong with me? 

How frustrating I must be to such an amazing Father. 

Lately, I’ve found myself thinking a lot about Abraham.  God made an incredible promise to him – a son that he and his wife shouldn’t have been able to conceive.  And instead of trusting God’s timing, Abraham tried to help God fulfill that promise.  But after he learned his lesson, a son was provided – and shortly after, God told him to sacrifice that precious gift.  So what did Abraham do?  He gathered the things he would need, took his son up a mountain, built an altar and prepared his sacrifice.  Abraham laid his precious promise fulfilled by God on an altar built with his own hands and he was prepared to sacrifice Isaac. 

Abraham laid his son before God – fully ready to offer him up because he completely trusted God’s plan.  Wow.  And here I am with my (sometimes insignificant) problems, struggling to hand them over.  When I feel myself consumed by worry, I’m trying to remind myself lately what great faith and trust Abraham must have had.  I also find myself trying to remember all the promises in His word, which He has vowed to all of us who place our trust in Him.  And as if those aren’t enough, I count the promises God has fulfilled in my own life – some I knew from prayers that were answered, and some that caught me completely by surprise (but were so much better than anything I could have asked).  I’m also working on giving my problems to God and leaving them there – and every day is a struggle to not be an ‘indian giver’ with my life.  It is definitely one of the most difficult things I’ve ever tried to overcome, and it’s a task I’m learning every day – but I know with God, all things are possible. 

And if that’s not enough good news, He tells me in Hebrews 13:5 “…I will never fail you.  I will never abandon you.”

It’s good to have assurance like that, isn’t it?

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