#10 - or, beauty...and other four letter words.

You know what I’ve been struggling a lot with lately? Beauty. People talk about it constantly. Magazines tell us how to dress, style our hair & wear our makeup so we can be beautiful. And every one seems to have their own idea as to what beautiful is – and what it is not. Lots of people have made millions off of their ideas. And lots of people like to push their own ideas on you – as if to say that if you don’t dress well (or even color/style coordinate your hair, accessories and makeup), sport a tan, cut or style your hair the right way, or act a certain way – well, then there’s no way that you’ll ever be “beautiful.” I’ve had a really hard time recently with this thought process. I’m not really sure what sparked it…I just know that I became a little more self conscious recently, and it seems like as soon as I recognized it, I started noticing the talk about beauty being a lot more prevalent in my every day life.

I’ve never been a girl with fantastic levels of self esteem. Basically, I have no self esteem. It really doesn’t matter what the scale says, what my closet says (what? your clothes don’t speak to you?), what kind of make-up I use, how many pairs of cute shoes I buy…I hardly ever feel truly pretty. Those are hard words to type, by the way. Sure, E tells me I look pretty when we’re on our way to church, or to a party, or on a date or something…but he’s my husband. I mean…that’s his job…(hehe). But, something I have learned over the years is that’s not really a foreign concept for a lot of girls…I’ve had several friends over the years who’ve gone through dramatic weight loss, only to find that they still didn’t really feel like anything changed. Their psyche still told them that there was something innately wrong. I know plenty of girls who are just naturally thin who are self-conscious as all get-out over all sorts of things on, or about their bodies. I've learned that these feelings are not exclusive to girls who are overweight. Or to girls with freckles. Or to girls with curly, red hair. It knows no age boundaries, no cultural and color boundaries. It simply is a fact of life for the majority of women I know.

We diet, we exercise, we worry, we’re suckered into buying the latest and greatest products, we try on seventeen different outfits before work/school/church/dates or any other event you’d like to insert…only to end up in a black shirt, jeans, & heels – or a black dress and heels. I wonder how many photos of me there are out there where that is exactly the uniform I’m wearing. I don’t think I could even venture a guess.

But above all else, the thing that I’m most desperate to cure here is my thinking…not my weight. Or my wardrobe. Or my concerns about what other people say on the subject. You see, my sister and brother both have daughters and I’m extremely close to them. I think they look up to me…(or at least to my shoe collection). But I want to be a role model for them…and maybe for my own daughter someday. I want those girls to know that it doesn’t matter what society thinks they should look like, what brand of clothes they wear, or what some punk kid (and by that, of course, i mean some little freckle-faced boy) tells them…I want those girls to know that they ARE beautiful, no matter what; and no amount of clothes or makeup can change that. I want those girls to grow up and not conform to what society says or who the idyllic ‘pretty girl’ is of their time. But let’s face it – that can only happen if the women in their lives start living what we want for them. Words aren’t enough…we have to teach, and then live by example.

In all of this, I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what God says about beauty. 1 Peter 3:3-4 (NLT) tells us: “Don’t be concerned about the outward beauty of fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes. You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God.” Maybe in addition to teaching young girls all about how to wear makeup, fix their hair, and color coordinate their clothes and accessories – maybe we should also teach them that none of that stuff really matters. Heck, maybe we should teach some grown women that…

And I’m certainly not saying that the cute pair of shoes I bought the other night is the last fantastic pair of heels I’ll ever buy…I mean…let’s not get crazy or anything. And I’m also not saying that today is my last day to wear makeup and fix my hair. But I do want that to become less of what my mind focuses on when I look at myself in the mirror. I’m sure it won’t ever be my first nature to stop focusing on what my eyes see. But, I do need to start looking with my heart – because I know that’s where my true beauty is hidden. And I hope that some of you will join me in this movement.